Beyond Our Fears
by Rainbow-River
Summary: It's a Snape/Hermione fic. Its my first fic so please review it note: it deals with rape, and suicide. so if you are sensitive to this I wouldn't read this. But I've tried to keep it mild. I have CHapter 10 up! So please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter One  
  
"Severus Snape"   
Snape heard his name called and he slowly walked forward. He could feel the eyes of every deatheater upon him as he knelt before the dark lord. He knew very well that these moments could be his last. But he had chosen to come tonight and was prepared for anything.  
"I see you have returned to our little circle" Voldemort said, "But I can't help but wonder why you did not return when you were called several months ago"  
Snape bowed his head down, "Forgive me master" he said, "I was unable to apparate on Hogwarts grounds. And to leave moments after Potter disappeared would have aroused suspicions around me"  
The deatheaters stared coldly at him. Each one deciding for their own whether to believe his story.  
"I will overlook your foolishness for now" Voldemort said calmly, "But you will prove that you are still loyal to our ways and more importantly, to me"  
"Yes, master" Snape said. He rose to his feet waiting to be dismissed.   
"You are dismissed" Voldemort said, "You've been gone from your job for too long, return to Dumbledore's school. Lucius will contact you when I have decided how you will prove yourself to me"  
Snape nodded. Glancing at the deatheaters surrounding him, he apparated away.  
Once Snape had disappeared from the area, one of the deatheaters stepped forward. It was none other than Lucius Malfoy. He knelt before the dark lord and spoke cautiously, "Master, for several years Snape has been supporting Dumbledore, I do not believe him to truly be a follower of our ways"   
Voldemort's thin lips curled into an evil grin, "Lucius, I have many plans for Severus. That is why I choose to let him live" he said, "We will see how important his services are to Dumbledore soon"  
"I don't understand" Lucius said.  
Voldemort laughed slowly, "You will, and you Lucius, will be the one to find out how essential he is to Dumbledore"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was Harry's, Ron's, and Hermione's sixth year at Hogwarts. It hadn't been a shock when both Harry and Hermione had been named prefects. Oddly enough Ron had become Quidditch captain over Harry. They were a month into school now and things seemed to be taking right where they left off.  
"I hate this class" Ron said. They had just entered the potions room. Hermione gave him that look she always gave him. Ron held up his hand to stop her from saying it, "I know! I know! It's important! You could really need this someday!" he said, "I think you should teach your wand to say that to me so you can save yourself the breath"  
Hermione shook her head and laughed, "You are impossible! Do you realize that Ron Weasley?"   
"Mutual! Nice doing business with you!" Ron replied grinning. His grin faded as he realized that Snape was in the front of the room and glaring at him and Hermione.  
"If the two of you are done, perhaps you will remember that you are attending class, not a social event" Snape said. There was no mistaking the familiar sarcasm in his voice. He began his lesson ignoring Hermione who had tried to hastily explain. Once he was finished he started pairing them off for their Dissolutio potions. At the end of class he made them wait quietly as he announced that this weekend would be a Hogsmeade trip weekend. Hermione couldn't help but notice that he looked extremely unhappy about this.   
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Hermione was writing furiously at her Arithmacy homework. Harry was attempting to do his Divination homework. Ron was reading Quidditch scores.   
"Ron! Really, how do you expect to get enough OWLS if you don't start doing your homework?" Hermione said as Ron flipped through another page.  
"I'll do it tomorrow" Ron said not really listening to a word she said. He leaned over and showed Harry a picture of something who instantly forgot his homework and joined Ron.  
"Ron! You are the most frustrating person that I know" Hermione said.  
Ron grinned up at her, 'That's why you love me so much!" he said, "I'm so lovingly annoying!"  
Hermione stared at him with a funny smile on her face, "Don't flatter yourself Ron!" Hermione said, "Your ego may just make the school explode!"  
"Afraid not!" Ron said, "Unless you feel like triggering it, by having dinner with me this weekend at Hogwarts?"   
Hermione stared at him in surprise. She could hardly believe Ron had just said what he had just said. "Are you serious?" she asked trying not to hug him with excitement.   
Ron pretended to have second thoughts for a moment then cracked, "of course I mean it Hermione!"  
Hermione gave up and hugged him, "Yes! Of course I will!" she said happily. Ron grinned wildly at her!  
"See I learned! I didn't wait until someone else asked!" he said.   
  
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"Ron! I have to help Lavendar and Parvati with something in Hogsmeade, but I'll meet you at 6?" Hermione said as they arrived in Hogsmeade.  
Ron smiled, "That's fine! Harry and I have to get some supplies at Zonko's anyway!"   
The two smiled shyly at each other before taking off their own separate ways. Hermione noticed Lucius Malfoy and Snape talking nearby. Draco seemed to know something about it because he, Goyle, and Crabbe kept looking over at them. Hermione ignored them and went off with Parvati and Lavendar.  
"Who's the red haired girl that was just talking to Arthur Weasley's son, what's her name?" Lucius asked with interest.  
"Hermione Granger, she's one of the top students at Hogwarts" Snape said trying to figure out where this conversation was leading.   
Lucius grinned wickedly, "She's perfect. Yes, she'll do nicely"   
Snape shook his head in confusion, "What are you talking about?"   
Lucius laughed, 'Still naive Severus!" he said, "Tell me, when was the last time you slept with a woman?"  
Snape's eyes widened alarm, "I-what?" he cried. As Lucius laughed again, Snape realized what Lucius meant. He felt his stomach twist in pain at what he what he would have to do soon. "You surely don't mean you want me to--rape her"  
Lucius smiled, "Gone soft, have we?" he asked, "It doesn't matter whether you have or haven't. You don't really get a choice in the matter" he held up his want towards him.   
Snape stared at the wand before him in disgust. No matter what he would have to violate a student and destroy her spririt.   
"It can be done the easy way or the hard way" Lucius said, "I think the choice is obvious, don't you?"   
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Hermione glanced at her watch and realized she had 10 minutes until she had to meet Ron. "Hey Parvati! I need to go meet Ron" she said, "I'll see you guys later!" She took off and started running to the center of town where she had agreed to meet Ron.   
She couldn't wait believe she and Ron were actually going on a date. In 5th year, Hermione had admitted to herself that liked Ron. But she had never been able to work up the nerve to tell him so.   
As she got closer, she paused briefly to catch her breath. At that moment, someone came up from behind her and grabbed her. Hermione tried to scream but her mouth was covered by the hand. She struggled desparatly as she was dragged further down a back alley where it was pitch black. She couldn't see a thing, but she could hear the sound of breathing. She soon realized that besides the man holding her, there was another one nearby.   
"Please! Let me go" Hemione croaked out in fear.   
The man holding her lowered his mouth to her ear and whispered, "Don't talk,"he spoke so softly that Hermione struggled to hear him, "Don't scream and don't fight! It will all be over soon"   
Hermione turned around slowly, still unable to see who anyone was. The words ringing in her ears. Suddenly she realized what he meant. She felt her body tense as she shrank away. Terror slowly filling her eyes as she felt herself being pushed to the ground.  
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Authors Note: Ok, it probably wasn't the most original idea, but its getting there. I would really appreciate any reviews!   
also I don't own any of these characters! They are all JK Rowlings. Unfortunatly I don't have the luxury of owning any Harry Potter rights. 


	2. Chapter Two

Hermione tried to twist away as she felt her clothes slowly stripped from her body. She could feel her attacker pressed up closely against her, "Please!" she begged crying, "Please don't do this!"  
Her voice was cut off by a strange charm that silenced her cries of pain. In the blackness surrounding her she couldn't even see the face of the person on top of her as she silently screamed in agony and terror against the cold floor  
It was finished quickly. Hermione cried desparatly as she finally managed to crawl away. She crawled slowly unable to move easily to meet a wall. Her body was trembling uncontrollably in fear. Her mind begin to race with thoughts of horror. Then through the darkness, laughter filled the air. The sound of cold dark laughter approaching her. She was shoved back violently and her head hit the wall roughly knocking her out.  
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Ron was sullking on a bench near where he and Hermione had planned to meet up with each other. Harry saw this and left his other friends to go talk to him.  
"Hey Ron, what's wrong?" Harry asked.  
"She stood me up" Ron said glumly, "She never showed up!" Harry's eyes widened in surprise.   
"That doesn't sound like Hermione at all!" Harry insisted, "There must be a perfectly logical explanation for this"  
"Yeah, she hates me!" Ron said.  
Harry groaned and sat down on the bench beside Ron, "Ron, she doesn't hate you! The truth is she's actually liked you for a long time now" he said, "She was so excited when you asked her out!"  
Ron shook his head, "Then why didn't she come?"  
Harry stood up, "I don't know, but lets go find her and see what's going on"  
They got up and started looking around the town for Hermione.  
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Lucius left Snape staring at Hermione's limp body. He carefully leaned down over her and wrapped her in her robe. He picked her up gently in his arms and using the back roads he made his way back to Hogwarts. As he reached the front doors of the school, Professor Mcgonagall came running our frantically.   
"Dear God, Severus! What happened?" she cried as she looked at Hermione. Snape looked away from her.  
"I'll explain later, just run up and find Professor Dumbledore" he said, "Bring him to the hospital wing"  
Professor Mcgonagall ran inside holding the door for Snape then ran off in search of Dumbledore. Snape hurried up the stairs to the hospital wing.  
"Madame Pomfrey!" he yelled, "I need your help immediatly!"  
Madame Pomfrey came running towards him and helped him get Hermione in a bed. She didn't ask any questions, she immediatly began examining Hermione's bruises and head injury. As she did, Professor Mcgonagall arrived, followed by Dumbledore.   
"How is she?" Professor Mcgonagall asked nervously.  
"She'll be fine" Madame Pomfrey, "She's going to be confused for a day or two when she wakes, she's got a nasty bump on her head"   
"What happened?" Dumbledore asked.  
Madame Pomfrey's eyes darted down sadly, "Judging by her condition, I believe she may have been raped"  
Everyone was silent for a moment. Noone could say anything. They all stared at Hermione in shock and disbelief.  
Finally Snape broke the silence, "It was me" he said, "I did it"  
"What!?" Madame Pomfrey cried in alarm.  
"How could you? You bast-" Professor Mcgonagall stopped short of actually saying the word, but Snape knew she meant it with every ounce of hatred she had for him.  
Snape turned away in despair, "There was nothing to prevent it. It was either me or Lucius Malfoy forcing me to do it" he said, "I didn't have time to think or come up with another plan! I didn't want to think about what I could do if I was under the imperius curse!"   
"That's sickening!" Professor Mcgonagall said, "It's the most sickening thing I have ever heard in my life! You are- I don't believe you!"  
Snape turned around sharply and stuck her face, "Don't you think I know how disgusting this is? I'm the one who has to live knowing what I've done!" he shouted, "I'd rather be dead than this! Even dead, I will never ever forgive myself" He sat down tensely and for the first time in his life, Severus Snape cried.  
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"There's Lavendar and Parvati!" Harry said pointing at the two girls a few feet away, "Maybe they know where Hermione ran off to"  
Ron nodded, and the two boys ran to catch up with the two girls, "Hey Lavendar! Hey Parvati!" he said, "Have either of you seen Hermione recently"  
"Hermione? She ran off to find you ages ago!" Parvati said, "It was 10 minutes til 6 I believe"  
Lavendar nodded in agreement, "She wanted to meet you there early"  
"She never showed up!" Ron said, " I waited for her for half an hour"  
Harry frowned, not liking what he heard, "I wonder if something happened to her"  
"We should go find Professor Mcgonagall back at school" Parvati said. The others nodded in and they ran off full speed back to Hogwarts.  
Once they arrived it didn't take long for them to find Professor Mcgonagall who seemed extremely busy.   
"Professor!" Parvati cried, 'We're worried about Hermione. None of us have seen her and she was supposed to meet Ron at 6 and she never showed"  
Professor Mcgonagall's face turned slightly white and sickly, "Hermione is here at school. She's in the hospital wing" she said quickly, "She had a very unfortunate accident"  
Before any of them could question her any further and react to her comment, she hurried away anxiously,  
"I hope she's ok" Lavendar said.  
Harry shook his head staring after Professor Mcgonagall, "Somehow I don't think so" he said sadly,  
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Dumbldore, who had been silent until now finally approached Snape and spoke, "Severus, I know you never meant for this to happen. I trust you, and trust you acted in her best interest" he said, "It isn't your fault that this is how so many of Voldemort's followers entertain themselves"  
"That doesn't change what I've done" Snape said coldlly, "I've taken something from an innocent girl! Something that she can never have back! For 6 years I've despised and mocked this girl, now I can't even look at her without shame overcoming me"  
Dumbledore breathed in heavily, "I understand you're upset Severus-"  
No, you don't understand" Snape said, "You didn't see her there! You didn't see the pain and terror in her eyes! She couldn't even see me! I'll never forget that look! Never"  
Dumbledore glanced at Hermione on the bed, "You're guilt is understandable! But for Hermione's sake, she will not know it was you until the time is right" he said, "It will already be awkward for you to be teaching her in class and seeing her in school. It will not help any if she knows it was you"  
Snape nodded, "I won't let her know, but when will she know?"  
"Time can only tell" Dumbledore said.  
The moment was interrupted as Harry and Ron came bursting through the hospital wing doors. They began to look around searching for Hermione.   
"Ah! Harry and Ron! I was wondering when you two would be coming here" Dumbledore said walking up to the two of them.   
Harry and Ron spotted Hermione lying on the bed bruised and still out cold.   
"Dumbledore! What happened to Hermione?" Ron asked nervously. He and Harry tried to edge closer to Hermione's bed, but were blocked by Dumbledore.  
"I'm sorry, boys" Dumbledore said, "At the moment, Hermione can't risk being disturbed" He watched Ron and Harry exchange glances of concern, "She had an accident and will probably be here for at least 2 weeks. Depending on her condition, I'll let you know when she will be able to have visitors"   
He indicated the door to them patiently. Harry turned around and was about to ask something, but Dumbledore answered before he could ask, "Yes, I will be sure to keep you both updated on her health and will let her know of your concern for her"  
"Thankyou" the boys said together as they exited both still looking extremely worried.   
"You should rest" Dumbledore said as her turned around to Snape. Snape sighed reluctantly. He didn't look like he relished moving out of the chair that he had collapsed into.  
"I will later" he said, "I don't have any classes tomorrow"   
Dumbledore patted Snape's shoulder, exchanged a few words with Madame Pomfrey and then left the wing. Snape watched as Madame Pomfrey checked on Hermione again before going to her office where she slept.  
Snape stared at the hospital wing around him until he drifted asleep himseldf in the chair.   
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The sound of crying slowly filled the room . Snape awoke startled the realized what the sound was, He stood up and walked slolwly to Hermione's bedside.   
"Hermione?" he said softly. His hand briefly touched hers by accident, but he felt her flinch and back away from him. Turning a dim light on, he saw Hermione's eyes red with tears. Her hair was tangeled and messed, and her eyes were still frozen in their frightened stare, "Hermione, you're ok. You're safe here, noone is going to hurt you here!"  
Hermione sniffled and turned away sobbing.   
For a moment Snape tried to decide if he should get Madame Pomfrey. But Hermione stopped him, "Don't leave me alone! please!" she whispered through her tears.  
He nodded and sat on the edge of the bedside. Neither one spoke for a long time, but finally Snape tried to coax Hermione to calm down enough to get her back comfortably in the bed.   
"I feel so dirty!" she said. She wasn't speaking to Snape, or to anyone, her words seemed to be her thoughts spoken aloud.   
"I didn't mean for this to happen"  
She continued to cry and say things like that until Snape couldn't take anymore, "Hermione, this isn't your fault! You didn't do anything to deserve this!" he choked out.  
Hermione looked up her eyes wide and innocent as ever, "I'm so scared! I'm so frightened! I don't know what to do!"   
Snape didn't answer, he sat there and avoided her eyes as she slowly drifted back to sleep. Only then did he trust himself to speak, "Hermione, for as long as I live! I will never let anything ever harm you again!"  
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Authors Note: Well that's chapter two! Thanks for the reviews! Please continue to review! Even if its to tell me that the story is the worst thing you've ever read! I hope people like it though! Anyway small disclaimer note : I don't own any of these characters. They are all JK Rowlings. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
  
Hermione awoke the next morning just as light began to pour through the windows. Sheglanced around nervously and gasped when she saw Snape sleeping near the edgeof her bed. Her cry was heard by Madame Pomfrey who came running to her bedside.  
"Hermione?"she asked softly.  
Hermionestared at Madame Pomfrey still jumpy and suspicious of the people around her.She edged away from Madame Pomfrey slowly.  
"Hermione,its ok!" Madame Pomfrey reassured her, "I'm not going to hurt you, I just wantto know how you feel" Hermione didn'tanswer immediately, she blinked repeatedly trying to fight back the tears thatthreatened her again.  
"I'mscared" she said quietly.  
MadamePomfrey's heart gave a great lurch in pity. She nodded and told Hermione towait there for one moment. She quickly went called Dumbledore and ProfessorMcgonagall down to her office. She then moved to wake Snape who lookedextremely embarrassed to have been found sleeping where he was.   
"Hermione?"Professor Mcgonagall asked, "Are you ok?" she reached out to Hermione, butHermione drew away from her.   
MadamePomfrey quietly spoke, "Professor, she's going to be a bit jumpy when touched,and I believe she is still quite upset"  
"Of course,that's understandable" Dumbledore said. He crossed quietly towards Snape whowas watching a ways back.   
"Why was hesleeping so close?" Hermione asked sounding quite upset.  
ProfessorMcgonagall thought quickly, "He was watching you over the night in case youshould need anything"  
Hermioneseemed to accept this answer. But she refused to eat or drink anything thatMadame Pomfrey offered her and kept her eyes away from everyone elses.  
"She wokeup last night" Snape told Dumbledore quietly, "I doubt she even remembers. Butshe was very paranoid"  
Dumbledorenodded and sighed, "Severus, I know you are feeling a great deal of guilt, but for Hermione's sake we need to all bestrong for her" he said, "It's the only way Hermione will be able to berecover"  
Snapenodded, "Have you figured out what to tell students? Or Potter and Weasley?" heasked.  
Dumbledoreshook his head, " I will leave it at she had an accident. Hermione can tellthose she wants to know" he said, "I don't think it will be any easier on her if everyone knows what happened to her."  
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"Hurry up Harry!" Ron called up.   
"I'mcoming!" Harry said coming down the stairs and they both rushed to the hospitalwing. Ron was holding some flowers he had borrowed from Professor Sprout. Theyburst through the doors as quickly as possible and found themselves facingProfessor Snape.   
"Professor"Harry acknowledged rudely.  
Snapeglared at him , but didn't answer, he simply got Dumbledore's attention whocame over immediately.  
"Um, Wewere wondering if we could visit Hermione yet" Harry asked, "Or at least Iwas" he added as he saw Ron shove pastSnape and run to Hermione's bedside.   
"For a veryshort time" Dumbledore finally concluded, "Just be sure not to say anythingthat might even remotely upset her"  
Harrynodded and walked over by Ron.  
"Hermione?"Ron said, "It's Ron, we came to see how you were doing?"  
Hermionelooked up slowly. She didn't say hello she just stared at the two of them.  
"Hermione,what happened?" Harry asked gently. He couldn't help but notice Madame Pomfreyfrown at his question.  
Hermione glanced at Dumbledore and Professor Mcgonagall quickly, "Nothing, I just had a littleaccident" she said.  
Ron staredat her silently, "I hope you'll be ok! If you need to talk.." he started.  
Hermione nodded, "I know! I just need some time alone right now" she said hinting thatthey should leave her alone. Which was immediately picked up on. Ron handed her the flowers and they both left with one last worried glance.   
"Hermione,"Professor Mcgonagall started, "Noone knows what happened to you except me,Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey, and Professor Snape. A letter was sent to yourparents this morning. It will be up to you to tell whoever you want to know"  
Hermione finally felt the tears return to her eyes, "I don't want anyone else to know!Not even Ron or Harry! I don't know if I could face them again if they knewwhat happened" she said, "It's too unbearable to think about"  
Professor Mcgonagall nodded, "It's your decision" she said.   
"How long will I have to be in here?" Hermione asked,   
"The next week or so just to besafe" Madame Pomfrey said to her.   
"I have a class" Professor Mcgonagall said hearing the school bell ring. Madame Pomfrey nodded and she noticed Dumbledore also had to leave. She herself had several things that she needed toget done.   
"Don'tleave me alone!" Hermione cried out realizing everyone was starting to depart.  
Everyone stopped and stared at each other. Finally, Snape stepped forward, "I can stay.I don't have any classes today!" he said with a great deal of reluctance.  
Once alone,Hermione calmed down slightly, "I'm sorry"  
Snape looked at her with confusion, "For what?"  
Hermione shifted uncomfortably, "That you have to stay here with me" she said, "I know I'm being childish, but if I'm alone I'm afraid that-"  
Snape nodded, "Its quite understandable considering the circumstances" he said, "It'sgoing to take time to recover"   
Hermione nodded. She stared at the wall in front of herblankly. Snape noted that as she stared at the wall her hand strayed to the bump on the back of her head. The one that she got when Lucius shoved her against the wall afterwards.   
"How come you know?" Hermione asked, 'It doesn't make sense! Obviously Dumbledore andMadame Pomfrey would know, and Professor Mcgonagall is the head of my house"  
Snape tried to think of an answer and finally told her that he was the one who found herknocked out in the black alley.   
Hermione nodded weakly and stared out again.  
"What am I going to do? I don't know if I can go out there and act like nothing happened! But I can't bear the thought of anyone knowing" Hermione said to herself. After a moment of hesitation Snape slowly reached his hand out and took hers. He felt Hermione's hand tighten but amazingly she didn't pull away. Instead she looked up with her eyes reaching his.  
"I don't understand, Why are you being so nice to me?" she said, "You've always hated me!"  
Snape shook his head, "Despite a strong disliking to you and your friends, Hermione, what happened to you was wrong! It was digusting" he said looking away from her, "Noone deserves to have to go through that, least of all you"  
Hermione stared at Snape in wonder and shock. In the past few hours she had seen a side of him she had never thought existed. She stared at their hands clasped in each others. Something inside of her changed, "Professor, I was wrong about you"  
she said.  
Snape's face changed in alarm.  
"I think I know why Dumbledore trusts you so much" she said, "You are one of the most good hearted and kind wizards I have ever met in my entire life" With that she closed her eyes and started to sleep, she didn't see the pain of unbearable pain and guilt overcome Snape's face at her words.  
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Snape returned to the circle of deatheaters later that evening. Part of him prayed that Voldemort would kill him and he could end this endless pain and guilt that was consuming him. But that wasn't what what happened. He was told that Lucius informed Voldemort he had passed his test.   
"Severus, I hope you realize now that you have returned, I will expect you to become the deatheater you once were" Voldemort said, "Do you remember?"  
Snape nodded mournfully. He never had forgotten the crimes he had committed until he had come over to Dumbledore's side, 'Yes, master, I remember" he said.  
"Good!" Voldemort said.  
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After a week, Hermione was released from the hospital wing. She still didn't like being left alone, and she still didn't like to be touched, but her mind was calmer than before. Even though none of the students knew what happened to her, they all knew she had had an accident of some sort and treated her like glass. It became clear as well that most of her teachers knew nothing about it. She found herself keeping her mind busy with her schoolwork.  
"Professor Snape?" Hermione said walking up to the teacher after class.  
"Yes, miss Granger?" he asked trying not to snap in frustration.  
"I was wondering if you could give me a list of the assignments I've missed" Hermione said.  
Snape shook his head, "Don't worry about them, they've been taken care of" he said, "Just focus on what we are doing now"  
Hermione stared at him, "Please give me my assignments"  
Snape stared at her, "Hermione-"  
"Please! I need to keep myself busy with something! Otherwise I'm going to go nuts!" Hermione begged him.  
Snape's eyes widened in surprise. He reached into his desk and pulled out the previous weeks assignments and handed them to her slowly, "Hermione, are you sure you're ok?"   
Hermione nodded, "Yes, I just like to be busy at the time" she retorted and rushed out quickly.   
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"Hermione?" Ron asked.  
"Hello Ron" Hermione said not looking up from her work.  
"Do you want to talk or something?" he asked, "You seem really upset still"  
"I'm fine!" Hermione said, "I just am having trouble getting back on track"  
Ron gently put his hand on her shoulder, and was shocked when Hermione cried out and jumped away from him. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down.  
"I'm sorry Hermione, I didn't mean to startle you" Ron said quickly.  
"No Ron, its just I still am anxious about being touched since.." Hermione stopped short and shook her head, "It's fine.But I really need to catch up on my schoolwork"  
"Since what?" Ron asked, he stopped and nearly collapsed in shock as he slowly realized what she had been avoiding talking about. "Hermione? Why didn't you tell me? Hermione looked up at him in surprise.  
"When were you going to tell me that-?" Ron cried.  
"Please Ron! I didn't want anyone to know!" Hermione said, "I was scared at what people would think of me?"  
Ron's face turned red in anger, "Hermione! I can't believe you didn't tell me or Harry!" he cried, "I thought you trusted us enough to know we would care about you!"  
Hermione burst into tears, she was well aware people were staring at her and Ron by now. "Ron, please! I didn't know what to do! I was so scared! and I still am!" Hermione said hysterically.   
"DOn't bother explaining yourself" Ron snapped, 'YOu certainly neglected the need to do that before"  
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Hermione ran from the common room as fast as she could. She couldn't stop crying. Her heart was torn and her head was racing with thoughts of agony. As she cried and ran she didn't even notice that several teachers had spotted her. She ran out the front doors and went to the far end of the school where nooone was around.  
She had had enough! She didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't want to face anything else. Everything that happened to her seemed to go wrong and bring her more pain. She pulled the small knife from her robe carefully.   
"I'm sorry everyone!" she whispered, as she raised the blade to her neck.  
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Authors Note: Well that just about concludes Chapter Three! I hope everyone liked it! Thanks so much for the compliments! Its really helpful! Reviews are always welcome! I have a really good idea And of course the lovely diclaimer note: harry Potter characters are all property of JK Rowling. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout both entered the teacher's lounge in discussion. They sat down in two chairs and talking. They didn't even notice Snape sleeping in the chair nearby.

"So its no just my class?" Professor Sprout said, "She hasn't been the same lately. Her work has been less than her normal standards"

"Her attention hasn't been there in class" Professor Flitwick said, "I wish Dumbledore would tell us what is going on sometimes" 

"I know exactly what you mean!" Professor Sprout agreed, "I'm trying to be understanding, but when we don't even know what happened to her, I don't really understand where she's coming from"

Snape looked up exhausted at the two professors who still didn't acknowledge his presence. He could hear their conversation clearly though figured they were talking about  Hermione.

"Whatever happened, I hope its over soon!" Professor Sprout continued, "The poor girl looks ready to drop any moment, like just now when she came running down the hall crying! I doubt she even realized how many people she almost ran over!"

Snape looked up in surprise edging closer to the conversation trying to see where it was heading.

"I don't think anyone could have stopped her though. She looked terribly upset!" Professor Flitwick said. 

Snape stood up quickly and the two teachers finally noticed him standing there.   
            "Professor Snape! We didn't realize you were resting in here" Professor Sprout said.

"Yes, by any chance do you two know where Hermione was heading when she was heading down the hall" Snape asked. The two professors gave him a funny look. 

            "You wouldn't know anything about her accident at Hogsmeade, would you?" Professor Flitwick asked curiously. Snape groaned in frustration. Judging by the earlier conversation he had a feeling Hermione was in trouble. 

"Perhaps I do!" Snape snapped, "But do you know where Hermione went or not?"

Professor Sprout gave him another look, "I believe she was going outside. Probably to get away from everyone!" she said, "Poor thing! Looked like the world just ended because of her"

"Now what do you know?" Professor Flitwick asked, but Snape had already run from the room running frantically, slamming into a Ravenclaw as he went. He scrambled to his feet and bolted out of the doors to the school. 

Once outside he searched the area quickly trying to figure out where Hermione went. He knew he didn't have a lot of time, but desparate. Swearing, he ran near the edge of Hagrid's hut and the forest.  He wasn't going to let anyone hurt Hermione, least of all, herself. 

As he turned the corner, he saw Hermione several feet away with a knife in her hand, barely touching her neck. Knowing he would never get there in time, he pulled out his wand, "Accio!" he yelled. The blade spun out of Hermione's hand and into Snape's hands.

Hermione turned to look at him, the colour draining from her face as she saw him running towards her.

"Hermione Granger! What on earth do you think you are bloody doing?" he yelled. His face was red and flushed in fury. Hermione brushed the tears from her eyes and looked away.

"Have you lost your mind? Do you know what you almost did?" 

            Hermione whipped around angrily, "Yes, I do!" she cried, "I was trying to get away from this! Everything here! I don't want to live like this! Scared of everything! Not being able to trust anyone!"

            Snape took a deep breath, "Hermione, I know you're scared and everything seems painful and wrong" he said slowly, "But if you kill yourself, you'll be letting whoever did this to you win! You let that person defeat you. Their intention could have only been to bring pain and destruction! Do you truly want this person to be victorious over you?" Their eyes were locked in each other as Snape spoke to her slowly and seriously. Hermione could see pain and tears swarming in him as he spoke.

            "You're stronger than this, Hermione!" he said, "Do you really think he should win? Is that what you really want?" He held out the knife to her, "The choice is yours, Hermione"

            Hermione stared at the knife momentarily. Her hand reached out and took it from her hand. Staring at it blankly she shoved into the ground. 

=====================================================================

"Hermione Granger! I am truly at a loss for words!" Professor Mcgonagall said, "Despite your situation, it by no means excuses your actions for tonight!"

Hermione nodded, 'I know! It was a stupid thing to do" she said.

"Yes, it was!" Professor Mcgonagall said sternly, "I shudder to think what would have happened had Professor Snape not come along! I don't understand! What brought you to such drastic measures?"

Hermione took a deep breath and tried to answer, "I got it a fight with someone, he found out and got angry" she said, "I didn't want to face everyone when they found out what happened"

Professor Mcgonagall sighed shaking her head and dismissed Hermione. Once Hermione had turned down the hall she turned around to face Snape who had kept silent throughout all of this. "Thankyou" she said staring at him.

        Snape noticed in potions the next day that Ron seemed to be avoiding Hermione at all costs. Remember what Hermione had told Professor Mcgonagall before, he asked Ron to stay after class. Ron only confirmed what he thought with his response.

         "I didn't do anything to Malfoy today, so whatever you think I did, I didn't do it" he said shortly. Snape could see Ron expected to lose about 30 house points and get a detention for that comment, but Snape surprised him by responding calmly.

            "No, Mr. Weasley, I have no intentions of punishing you" Snape said, "I merely wanted to point out how inconsiderate your behavior towards Hermione is, considering her situation."

            Ron glared at Snape, "This is any of your business!" he snapped rudely, and walked out not waiting for a response from Snape. 

            Snape shook his head sadly as Ron disappeared, "Unfortunatly it is my business" he said before returning to his work. 

            Hermione had taken to walking long paths to class to avoid Ron and everybody else. She didn't think anyone noticed, so she was shocked to hear someone yelling after her.

            "Hermione! Wait for me!" Harry came flying down the hall to catch up with her.

            "Harry!" Hermione said, "I didn't realize you were still talking to me" 

            Harry shook his head, "I'm not going to hate you for something that isn't your fault." Harry said supportively.

            Hermione got this look on her face which Harry read quickly, "Don't worry!" he reassured her, "The only person Ron told was me! I convinced him to keep it between us"

            Hermione sighed with relief, 'Thankyou so much Harry!" she said, 'If others found out, I don't know what I'd do!"

            By the end of the day, Hermione felt much better. Mostly because of Harry treating her the same as he always did. It helped her forget for a little while. Harry was trying to help Hermione catch up with the class on Charms. 

            "I never thought I'd see the day you were helping me with schoolwork" Hermione said. 

            "Neither did I" Harry said.

            They were interrupted by the arrival of Malfoy, "So mudblood, you're keeping it a secret?" he sneered, "What would you do if everyone knew?"

            Harry stepped forward quickly, "Get lost, Malfoy"

            "Or what?" Malfoy challenged, standing face to face with hatred they drew their wands.

            "If you tell anyone, anything!" Harry warned.

            "Who's gonna stop me?" Malfoy dared.

            "I am!" Hermione said, "If you tell anyone, people are going to wonder how you know! Pretty soon people are going to realize that your dad must have been involved somehow! You wouldn't want to be the one to get daddy into Azkaban?"

            Malfoy seemed to think about this one, before concluding that Hermione was correct, "Better watch it mudblood!" he muttered, "They're watching you!"

            When he had gone, Harry and Hermione quickly ran to Dumbledore's office where he seemed to be waiting for them.

            "I think Lucius Malfoy was involved somehow!" Hermione blurted out quickly.

            Dumbledore glanced curiously at her, "And what brought you to this conclusion"

            "Malfoy knew about it, so that must mean his father knew something about it to tell Malfoy about it!" Harry explained.

            Dumbledore nodded, "This is a difficult situation, Hermione!" he said, "If we try to bring anything up against Lucius Malfoy, he will make a commotion with it! And the entire magic community will hear about it!" 

            Hermione paused, "Maybe we could wait until we have more information" she suggested hesitantly.

            Dumbledore nodded, "An excellent decision"  he said.

            As Hermione and Harry disappeared, Professor Mcgonagall came up behind him, "When do we tell her the truth" she asked, "It can't stay a secret forever"  
            Dumbledore turned to her, "I have faith in Hermione and Severus! I believe she will know when she is ready to know"

            "Here's the work I missed, Professor" Hermione said handing Snape about half a dozen parchments.

            "I didn't expect you to turn any of this in" he said taking it.

            "I know" Hermione said softly, "but I also wanted to thank you for savi-"

            "Don't say it!" Snape interrupted sharply. He turned his attention to correcting the work she presented him, to avoid telling her anything.

            Hermione stared at him weakly, "You saved my life!"

            "More like ruined it" Snape muttered under his breath.

            "I'll never forget that" Hermione said. 

            Snape felt his hand tremble as he quickly turned and tore out of the room, leaving Hermione very confused. As he sank into his private quarters he felt himself overtaken with the unbearable guilt and knowledge. Closing his eyes painfully he tried not to forget the sincere words Hermione had spoken.

Authors Note: Sorry, it took so long to get this chapter up! Just so people know, I will only be updating on weekends, because weekdays are very busy! But I wanted to thank everyone for their reviews. I e-mailed most of you! I apoligize if I didn't e-mail you, but I think I have everyone listed below! So thanks! And I'm hoping to attempt to finish typing chapter 5 by tonight.

Jamie-Thanks for the reviews! And I'll be upping the rating just to be safe! Thanks for pointing that out though!

Vampire Kid Kara- Thanks so much! I'm glad the end of Chapter 3 kept someone hanging! Maybe it'll hold enough that you'll continue to read!

Aries-Yeah, The story does kinda move fast. I'm not good at keeping things paced! I always want to rush out with the action! I already have the ending for this thing written! The reason hermione didn't use a wand was for effect and because I forgot that she had that option! 

Hermione-Snape- Well I hope you like this chapter. Sorry about the wait!

Bertie Wooster- If only it could be that simple! ::sigh:: oh well! Thanks so much for reviewing!

Hellsong-thanks for the review. I have never read that story, I might have to do that if I ever find spare time. 

Kat097-Oh dear! I'm sorry for the wait! Here's the next chapter! Hopefully you'll like it!

Aemos- Thanks for the compliment! Yup this is my first story, but definitely not my last!

Enfleurage-I want to thank you for posting what you did in your review. That is an excellent point. Rape is definitely a degrading and horrible experience that no person should ever had to go through. And my sympathy goes to anyone who has gone through it. I by no means intend to offend anyone. 

 SparklySilverNoodlez-Thanks for the encouragement! It's really nice to know that people like what you are writing.

Spike-Lover- You bring up a very intelligent point! Why didn't Snape kill Malfoy? Ugh! Wasn't thinking properly I guess. The plot was inspired by several various stories, but the ending is completely my own. Or at least I think it is. The ending I came up with on my own, but maybe someone else had the same idea.

Nightskye- I hope you like where the story is going!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five  
  
  
  
Hermione left Snape's room feeling slightly confused, but went back to the common room where she told Harry what happened. He seemed baffled as well, but didn't have much to say otherwise.  
  
"I suppose we should head to our next class" Hermione said, "You coming?" she asked when Harry made no intention of following her out.  
  
"I'll catch up in a few minutes" Harry said casually.  
  
Hermione shrugged and exited the common room. As soon as she exited, Ron stood up and walked over to Harry looking a little nervous.  
  
"Do you think she'll forgive me?" Ron asked glumly.  
  
Harry shrugged, "She might. I wouldn't, but its her decision, not mine" he said, "You better hurry if you're going to talk to her"  
  
Ron nodded and dashed out of the common room to catch up with Hermione. "Hermione!" he called as loudly as he could!  
  
Hermione stopped and looked around at him, "Ron!?" it was half a statement and half question. Ron hadn't spoken to her since he had found out what happened, and Hermione wasn't sure if she could take him yelling at her again.  
  
"Before you say anything" Ron said as Hermine started to speak, "Let me speak! I'm sorry for how I've been treating you! I know this is a really hard time for you, and that I wasn't there to support you when you needed it. I thought about it last night, and realized how much I missed being around you! I could not love you"  
  
Hermione smiled slightly, "Thankyou Ron! It's ok really, just don't talk about it, that's all I ask!"  
  
"That's a primise" Ron said slowly grinning .  
  
The next Hogsmeade weekend had arrived sooner than Hermione had expected. She had no desire to return, but reluctantly agreed after Ron begged on his knees.  
  
"It's not so bad" Ron said.  
  
"No, but the noise is killing me! Is is always this loud in here?" Hermione said loudly over the noise of Zonkos.  
  
Ron shook his head and laughed, "It's because they are having a sale today" he explained, "But its always somewhat noisy"  
  
Hermione glanced around then told Ron she was going to wait for him outside. She collapsed on the bench outside of the store not realizing that Snape was sitting there as well.  
  
"Miss Granger!" he snapped as her arm smacked him by accident.  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry, Professor!" Hermione said, "I didn't see you there"  
  
Snape didn't respond. He just returned to his state of sitting and glaring at everyone who walked by him.  
  
"I thought you were with Mr Weasley for the day" he finally said. Hermione could tell he didn't really care why she was there, he was just trying to break silence.  
  
"I was, he's in Zonkos, but I got sick of the noise" Hermione said, "Besides, he still looks at me like his hopeful girlfriend"  
  
"Does he now?" Snape's empty tone evident.  
  
"I used to wish for that, but now, I look at him and I don't want that" Hermione said without thinking, "I'm scared to trust anyone or anything"  
  
"That's natural," Snape said. He was silent then got a funny look on his face, 'Why are you telling me this?"  
  
Hermione stopped for moment. She looked as stunned as Snape, "I don't know" she said looking very confused with herself. Blushing furiously she got up and went off to find Harry or someone.  
  
The last person Snape expected to run into that night was Harry. The two of them had always managed to do their best in avoiding each other.  
  
"Potter, what do you want?" he growled.  
  
Harry stared at him and shrugged, "I was just wondering how you and Hermione became such good friends." He said, "I know its not my business, but it just seems odd"  
  
"Friends" Snape repeated nearly choking, "Miss Granger and I?"  
  
"Yes" Harry said immediately, "You two talk, converse, and understand each other the way friends do. Its really strange"  
  
Snape shook his head quickly, "I don't have friends" he snapped.  
  
"Excuse me for saying so, Professor, but that's not true" Harry said, "You've made friends with Hermione, whether you wanted to or not"  
  
Snape looked at Harry, part of him wishing that he could curse him, the other part slowly taking in every word that the boy was saying to him.  
  
"Leave me alone" Snape said tearing away as quickly as he could.  
  
The next say Snape was looking for Hermione. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say to her, but he needed to know if Potter was going out of his way to torment him.  
  
"Hermione!" he called unexpectedly as he saw her walk by his door.  
  
She stopped and entered looking a little surprised, "Yes Professor?"  
  
Snape looked at her, "I wanted to know if what I've heard is true" he said uncomfortably, he wasn't quite sure how to phrase the question on his mind day and night.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
Snape shifted uncomfortably, "I was told that you consider me a friend?" he blurted out quickly. He saw Hermione blush a little under his stare.  
  
"I had a feeling Harry would tell you" Hermione said, "Right not, no one seems to understand how I feel, but you. I'm scared to talk to anyone, except you. It's weird, and I don't know how to explain it"  
  
Snape opened his mouth to reply, but stopped as a sharp burning pain ignited on his arm. He grabbed it anxiously, as Hermione's face changed to one of alarm. He pushed past her quickly, running from the room. Tearing himself from the school grounds and apparated.  
  
In moments he appeared in the dark graveyard. He knew this was the same one Harry had landed in two years ago in the Triwizard Tournament. Voldemort often called them there. He wasn't quite sure why, but the deatheaters often found their master here. He was the last to arrive to the circle. He could tell that Voldemort was not pleased at his tardiness, but he dismissed it.  
  
When they were all staring at him he rose above them talking gravely. "The time has come! Tonight I will make the world realize that they are never free of me!" he said. The deatheaters all stared gleaming with excitement and anticipation. "Tonight we will go to place that thought they thought me to fall! To Godric's Hollow, I will rise there"  
  
Snape felt a lump rise in his throat as Voldemort spoke. He didn't hear all of the plan, but he knew death was involved. It always was involved. Voldemort lived for power, and to take life was one of the strongest feelings of power known to him. He suddenly was aware of Voldemort's snake eyes burning on him. He stepped back nervously, "Severus" Voldemort said, "You will remain at Hogwarts. You are to ensure that Dumbledore remains in the school. That he does not interfere with my plans, or you will be very sorry. Now go!"  
  
Snape stumbled backwards disapparating as quickly as he could. He ran into the safety of Hogwarts grounds as quickly as he could. Once inside the gates he fell to the ground shaking uncontrollably with fear and shock. Until tonight he had hoped that Voldemort didn't know of his position to Dumbledore, but he knew now, that he had been lying to himself. There were no secrets hidden from Voldemort. There never was and never would be. But what frightened Snape more than anything right now was why Voldemort continued to let him live? And when the time of judgment came, Snape knew he would deserve whatever horrors were laid upon him.  
  
============================================================================ ======== 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six  
  
"Where's Hermione?" Harry asked as Ron sat down for breakfast,  
  
"She'll be down in a minute or two" Ron said, "She's running a little slow! She told me to come down." He started to eat but was interrupted as the mail arrived. Owls swooped down from every direction. Hermione's usual copy of the Daily Prophet dropped down over her empty seat. Harry picked it up and unwrapped it reading it.  
  
"Ron! Look at this!" Harry cried pointing immediately at the front page. Looking over Ron spit out all of his food all over his plate. In bold letters the paper read, "The Rise of You-Know-Who". Harry and Ron stared at the picture of the dark mark shooting into the sky over and over again.  
  
The two skimmed the article quickly. Many of the other students in the hall were doing the same with their copies of the paper as well.  
  
"What is going on?" Hermione asked noticing the erratic behavior in the hall that morning. She looked at the article surprised to see the two of them reading on their own will. She took the paper from them to finish reading the article.  
  
"He left a note!" Harry told Ron, "Nobody knows what it says though. It was taken immediately to Fudge!"  
  
Hermione looked up from reading, "It's scary! But why did he wait so long to make it known!" she asked, "He's been back since our 4th year! Now we are in our 6th year!"  
  
"Probably trying to be strong enough to kill Harry!" Ron said, he looked Harry, "sorry!" he added.  
  
Harry shook his head, "It is odd that he would wait this long" he said. He looked down to read the article again.  
  
At 1:00 am this morning, the dark mark rose into the sky over the town of Godric's Hollow. Godric's Hollow is where Voldemort met his downfall to Harry Potter, the boy who lived. The mark hovered over the burnt out ground where the Potter's house once stood. When ministry officials arrived, a scroll was lying in the dirt of the ground. The scroll was taken to minister of magic Cornelius Fudge immediately. Fudge says he has spoken to Dumbledore about watching Harry Potter at school. The ministry is currently checking if the claims made by residents that they saw Voldemort are indeed true. While very little is known at this time, we can only hope and pray that like 2 years ago at the World Cup, there is no danger.  
  
None of the students saw Dumbledore that day. They all assumed he was busy working with the ministry. Hermione couldn't help but notice that Draco Malfoy was staring at her with this wicked smirk on his face. The entire day people were a little unsure about everything.  
  
In the hall that evening, they kept staring at Dumbledore's empty seat. Hermione couldn't help but notice Snape hadn't eaten a thing, but kept staring at the doors to the hall. Until they opened and Cornelius Fudge entered with a dementor following him. Hermione felt a sharp darkness cloud her mind. She began to hear the sound of herself crying. She was shaking uncontrollably when Harry smacked her back to reality. She opened her eyes just in time to see Dumbledore shoving the dementor from the hall.  
  
"I was expecting you to come soon" Dumbledore said to Fudge, "Sit down, and have a drink"  
  
Fudge looked across the students and pulled out a scroll from under his robes.  
  
"You don't think that's the scroll?" Hermione asked Harry. He shrugged to say he wasn't sure.  
  
"I'm her on business, I don't have time for drinks" he said. Dumbledore nodded quickly.  
  
"Then we shall go to my office and we can sort out whatever business it is that you are here on" Dumbledore said. Fudge didn't follow. He looked around at the students, "This won't take long!" he said, "Which one of you is Hermione Granger?"  
  
Hermione stood up timidly as she noticed all of the students whispering amongst each other, "I'm Hermione Granger" she said quietly.  
  
Dumbledore stepped forward quickly "Cornelius, we can discuss this in my office" he said, "not here, not now"  
  
Fudge shoved past Dumbledore and approached Hermione, "Is it true that you were sexually assaulted several weeks ago and didn't not report it?" he demanded.  
  
The blood drained from Hermione's face. She felt herself go cold. "I- what?" she managed to choke out. She felt Harry stand squeeze her hand supportively. Dumbledore approached with a grim look of determination in his face.  
  
"Cornelius, you may discuss your concerns in my office away from the ears of the students" he said.  
  
Fudge glared at Dumbledore, "I have 6 hours left until he strikes again! According to this note, Miss Granger was raped, and whoever her assaulter was may be able to help us"  
  
The students in the hall gasped at the mention of rape. Hermione felt her breath leave her. Her mind was beginning to panic desperately. She saw the looks of everyone on her, "I can't help you! I don't know who it was!" Hermione said feeling tears trickle from her eyes to her cheeks. Before Fudge could speak Hermione turned and ran from the hall, too scared to hear what he would say next.  
  
From the moment Fudge walked in the hall, Snape knew there was going to be trouble. He had figured that Fudge knew about Hermione's rape from the note left last night. Snape watched as Dumbledore managed to get Fudge to leave the hall and go to his office. Students all then reported to their houses. Snape went to find Hermione.  
  
He already knew where she was. Something just told him where she would go. He was right, she was on the edge of Hagrid's hut and the forest. The same place she had tried to kill herself before. She sat staring at the knife still pushed in the soil of the ground.  
  
"How'd you know I would be here?" Hermione asked quietly.  
  
"I didn't" Snape lied.  
  
"What am I going to do?" Hermione cried, "I don't know what to do! Everyone knows now! Soon the entire magic community is going to know!"  
  
Snape shook his head, "I don't know" he said, "It's not going to be easy"  
  
Hermione looked at him. Her eyes red with tears and filled with fear and pain, "I've never been so scared in my life! How am I going to be able to show my face again!? They'll think I'm a disgrace"  
  
Snape looked at the ground hesitantly. Remembering when he had faced being shunned by society. How he had felt that way, but he was still there, "Hermione! I know you're scared, but you can't let that ruin your life!" he said, "You are a strong girl and get through this"  
  
"What if I can't? I'm scared I'll fail! I've never failed before" Hermione said.  
  
Snape sighed, "You're never going to stop being scared. But that's what living is. Its what we all face. We all do it!"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Live beyond our fears" Snape said, "Look past our fears and live through them!"  
  
Hermione's eyes looked at him quietly, an understanding hit her. An understanding of a shadow of Snape's past crossed her. She realized that's what he had learned to do himself and was now showing her. She wasn't quite sure how it happened, but she found herself crying into Snape. He had wrapped his arm around her tenderly and comfortingly. Without thinking, the two leaned into each other and kissed.  
  
As their lips met, a sensation flowed through both of them. Neither one of them could explain it but they held each other close. Snape frowned painfully, knowing that he had caused every bit of misery Hermione was feeling. His guilt overflowing, and yet he knew now that he would never forget her. He loved her and cared for her as if he had known her forever.  
  
Hermione ended their kiss and looked into his eyes. She held onto him tightly realizing the love that had found a home in her heart. As her eyes searched his, she saw pain, misery, guilt, and countless emotions that haunted him. Reading it quietly, the feeling of him against her felt so right. So perfect as if they had been together before. Her eyes locked into his intensely. The feeling of his touch was strangely familiar, too familiar! She tensed and ripped herself away in paralyzing fear. She could hardly breathe and she realized she was going to faint momentarily.  
  
"Hermione?" Snape asked, stepping towards her.  
  
"Ohmigod!" she whispered stepping back in terror. She tried to speak but her breath failed her and she blacked out.  
  
Authors note: Thanks for all the encouragement. I'm sorry that it took so long for the next chapters. But there are two new ones so hopefully that will help! Anyway I will have the next chapter up next weekend.  
  
Sara-Malfoy-I can understand that the beginning part can be very unappealing. But I'm trying to move the story above that to a higher message.  
  
Marionie Hearts-Thanks for the compliments. I don't really know what a person goes through in this trauma. I imagine it must be very difficult. But I have a friend who went through depression, so she helped me understand how that feels a little in writing this.  
  
Hermione-Snape- Thanks for the support. I really hope people will like the story to the end. I'm trying my best to keep my ending somewhat original. I don't know if anyone else has written anything like it, but I'm trying.  
  
SpookyKasper-Thanks for reviewing. I think people mix real life problems with Harry Potter to add a sense of realism to the wizarding world. If they exist in the muggle world, it could happen to them as well. I do not intend to focus the entire story to Hermione's rape. I intend on taking the plot past that.  
  
Echo-Smythe-Thanks for the kind words. I update on weekends, so you can check then!  
  
Spike-lover- I hope the stories will continue to interest you. I'll keep your offer in mind! I don't have beta. But I switched the document type, hopefully those weird errors in the earlier chapters will be less frequent then.  
  
Aemos- I hope these chapters are good. I updated a little later than I expected, but your compliments and support are so great! Thanks so much!  
  
Andrea Spencer-Thanks for the review. I hope you'll continue to read the story.  
  
So thanks again to everyone. I will write notes to everyone who reviews so please review. Feedback is really helpful. Even if it is to tell me that you didn't like the story or something of the sort. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

For the longest time Snape was frozen in place staring at Hermione's fainted body on the ground before him. It took every bit of strength in him to move and finally lift Hermione into his arms, and walk slowly towards the school. As he reached the large front doors he saw Dumbledore emerging with Professor Mcgonagall and Madame Pomfrey.   
  


"Here!" Snape said, shoving Hermione into Madame Pomfrey's arms. 

"Severus, what's going on?" Professor Mcgonagall asked in bewilderment.

Snape didn't answer, he pushed past them and inside of the school. Noone followed as they watched him retreat into the haven of his quarters.

"Well, don't just stand there!" Madame Pomfrey finally said, "Help me get this girl into the hospital wing" 

"Especially before Fudge comes down and makes matters worse than he's already made them" Professor Mcgonagall said.                        

"I'll be up in a moment" Dumbledore said staring down the corrider. "I must speak with Severus, Poppy, be sure that Fudge is not told that Hermione's in the hospital wing"

Madame Pomfrey nodded sharply to acknowledge her orders and hurried off with Professor Mcgonagall. Once they were gone, Dumbledore made his way down into the dungeon levels. As he approached Snape's door, it flew open and Snape motioned for him to come inside.

"I'm leaving" Snape said shortly, "Tonight"

"What happened?" Dumbledore asked losing part of the dignity that usually surrounded him, "You can't just leave like that!"

"I can and I will" Snape said fervently.

Dumbledore reached out and grabbed Snape by the arm and sat him down firmly, "What happened?"

"She know's it was me" Snape said quietly. His eyes concealed any signs of his emotions and his body was stiff as it ever was.

Dumbledore studied Snape for a long time, "Whatever the situation may be, we will work it out" he said, "But I can't help you if you leave" He sat beside Snape forced him to look in his eyes, "I did not give up on you before, and I will not give up on you now"

Snape took several deep breaths in silence before nodding to agree that he would stay. He didn't know how it would work, but he didn't seem to have too many options at the moment.

Hermione awoke in the familiar surroundings of the hospital wing several hours later. Her head felt dizzy. Slowly sitting up she saw Dumbledore sitting beside her. Taking a moment to collect herself she let her mind soak in the information she had discovered.

"Professor.." she said trying to suppress the panic rising in her voice.

"Ah, you're awake!" Dumbledore said, "I'm glad! I believe the two of us should talk for a little bit"

"It was Snape" Hermione said dully. She lifted her eyes to meet Dumbledore's, "You all knew didn't you?"

"Yes, we knew, Hermione" Dumbledore said to her, "Snape never once tried to hide it from us, he told us from the beginning"

It was then the tears came falling, Hermione stared out ahead of her crying. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to hug or kill Snape now. Every bit of her she had worked to fix in the past crumbled at that moment. The excitement of their embrace still played through her mind, but  at the same time she felt the terror she had felt. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" she sobbed.

Dumbledore shook his head, "You weren't ready to know" he said, "Even now, you aren't ready"

"Why? Why would he do such a thing?" Hermione gasped through tears.

There was no reply from Dumbledore this time. Eventually the silence was interrupted by the door opening, and Snape entered. He looked over at Dumbledore who nodded, and got up and left.

"Hermione.." Snape said.

Hermione looked up sharply in shock at the sound of his voice. She stared up at him with hurt in her eyes, making Snape flinch. 

"I hate you!" Hermione said slowly, "I don't think I can even begin to start to say how much I hate you!" 

Snape closed his eyes to avoid looking at the blazing eyes of fire. Making him reel, there was no hatred in those eyes, only pain and the bitter sting of betrayal.

"You ruined my life!" Hermione said, "I can never have what you've taken from me back ever again" 

Snape stood letting each word cut him. Letting the blood of each word fall down him unnoticed. 

"Say something!" Hermione cried, "Don't just stand there quietly! Do Something!" 

Snape shook his head, trying to find words. He made a small choking sound as he attempted to speak. 

"Stop!" Hermione yelled hysterically, "You're not supposed to be hurt! You're the one who hurt me!" She stood up and without thinking shoved him to the floor with every bit of strength in her. Sobbing frantically she hit him over and over, not caring if she got expelled for this.   
  


"I hate you!" she screamed over again, as she continued to hit him repeatedly. With one final strike to his face, she crawled over across the room. Snape lay still breathing steadily, his fists were clenched, his eyes held shut in silence. He didn't even try to sit up even now.

Suddenly calmer than she had been in a long time, Hermione reached out to him and helped him sit up, "Why did it have to be you?" she whispered, "Why did you have to hurt me so much? And why did you have to let me love you?"

For the first time Snape spoke to her, "Don't say that!" he choked out.

Hermione let her hand cover his gently. She leaned in to him, but Snape pulled away sharply.

"No" he said firmly.

"Why? Before we-embraced and you didn't" Hermione cried.

Snape shook his head, "It was a mistake" he said, "You're too young to understand"

Hermione's face hardened, "I don't care! You owe me the truth" she said harshly. When Snape made no move to tell her anything, she stood up. "Get out" 

Snape stood up, refusing to meet Hermione's eyes as he exited.

Author's Notes: Sorry, it's short, but I wasn't really sure what else to put in this chapter. I'm sorry for the lack of updates. But I'll do my best to keep the story going along.

So my sincerest apologies and thanks for the reviews!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Snape exited sadly. He saw Dumbledore and Mcgonagall both standing there waiting for him. His robe was ripped and his cheek had a small slash. And a small bruise was forming around it.

"What happened?" Mcgonagall asked looking at Snape.

"She just got rid of some anger" he finally said quietly. He reached for a glass of water and swallowed it with difficulty. Without any further discussion, he moved past Mcgonagall and Dumbledore and left.

"I just don't understand how all of this could happen" Mcgonagall said, "It's cruel! And it's unhuman!"

Dumbledore frowned, "The worst is yet to come" he said, "We must all be strong for Hermione and for Severus"

"The worst is yet to come?" Mcgonagall repeated in horror, "The thought is terrifying"

The door swung open and Hermione entered looking furious. She stood there a moment, letting her eyes dart back and forth between Dumbledore and Mcgonagall. Then sharply shoved past them and left both professors staring after her wordlessly.

"Should we follow her?' Mcgonagall asked nervously. 

"From a distance" Dumbledore said with a short nod. Both professors followed her quietly, being careful to not let Hermione know she was being persued. Although she seemed so determined to reach her destination, she probably wouldn't have cared if she knew she was being followed. She pushed through the doors the doors of the castle and out to the edge of the forest past Hagrid's hut. She reached down and pulled out a knife. Dirt clung to the shiny blade as she stormed back into the castle and down the dungeons. 

She finally reached Snape's office. Releasing every bit of her anger she slammed the blade down into the wooden desk. Snape who had been in the chair with his eyes shut, gasped in shock.

"If you kill yourself, you'll be letting whoever did this to you win! You let that person defeat you. Their intention could have only been to bring pain and destruction!" Hermione said, "Those were your words and you did this to me and you failed! You didn't bring pain and destruction!"

Snape's eyes stared in horror at the blade still stuck in his desk. 

"You brought out more! I went through pain, destruction, and then, YOU!" Hermione cried, "You sent me to hell, and then you gave me your shoulder to lean on! Now what do I do? Love you? Hate you? Kill you?"

"Hermione, there's so much to this, that you don't understand!" Snape said avoiding her eyes, "You're not the only one who is on the verge of insanity"

"I should turn you into Fudge!" Hermione said, "He's in this school somewhere! And there'll be one more deatheater in Azkaban! Then maybe you'll suffer the way I did! You'll know what a cruel, heartless bastard you are! You'll.."

"If it ends the endless torment in my head then hurry up and turn me in" Snape interrupted, unable to hold back no longer, his voice rising to shouting "If killing me can help me forget who I am, then do so! Whatever it takes to end it!"

Hermione stepped back momentarily. In her fury, pain, it had never occurred to her once that Snape would regret his actions.

"People think it is unfair that I'm alive! That I'm walking free, not locked in Azkaban with the other deatheaters!" Snape snapped, "By letting me go, I suffer more than you could ever imagine! Hermione, everything I ever did hurt someone! So kill me! Turn me in! Maybe then I can let go of these memories!"

"Dear heavens!" Mcgonagall whispered from Snape's office doorway. She turned to face Dumbledore and flinched involuntarily at the pained look on his face, "Did you know he felt so.."

"Had I known?" Dumbledore cried, "I would have done something! Anything!"

Mcgonagall finally seemed to tear herself away from Snape and Hermione staring at each other in equal torment and fury, "So, what do we do now?"

And for the first time in his life, the great Albus Dumbledore didn't know.

            "I demand to be told where Hermione Granger is!" Fudge demanded, "I don't know what sort of a game you are all playing at, but I have things I need to get done!"

            "Yes, I'm sure you do" Madame Pomfrey said briskly, "But until we figure out where Hermione has run off to, you'll have to wait"

            "Have you all gone mad?" Fudge yelled, "The dark lord is about to kill someone, and you expect me to wait? You've got another thing coming if that is what you think!"

            "Sit Down!" Madame Pomfrey said sharply, "It's your own bloody fault, she's gone! If you hadn't opened that overused mouth of yours, we could be doing something about the situation"

            "I will not be treated like this" Fudge said, his face turning red.

            "Cornelius! I have just spoken with Hermione" Dumbledore said entering, "And as I said earlier, Hermione knows nothing of Voldemort's plans! You have been hoodwinked into coming here, instead of being out there trying to find Voldemort's next unlucky victim!"

            Fudge's face turned even redder with each word that Dumbledore spoke. At last he grabbed his winter robe, and started to leave, "You'll be hearing from me Dumbledore" he said sounding embarrassed.

I know it was short, but I wanted to get another chapter up, so I'll try to start writing the next one soon! Thanks so much for all your kind reviews! I'm glad you like it! 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

            For a long time, Hermione stared at Snape. She wanted to hurt him, make him feel what he put her through. At the same time, she longed to reach out and comfort the man before her. Opening her mouth to speak, she found she had nothing to say. Reaching down she pulled the knife from the desk and gently laid it on the desk. Then without another word she turned and left. 

            Snape watched Hermione leave guiltily. Far too many lines had been crossed this time. And besides the turmoil he had raised in Hogwarts, his role in the circle of deatheaters was not forgotten. He knew it was only a matter of time until Voldemort came for him. Looking at his arm he saw the black burn glow green. Snape knew what it meant too well. Another life had been lost tonight. Fighting the urge to collapse where he was, he moved to find Dumbledore to inform him. 

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            "Should we be worried about him?" Madame Pomfrey asked Dumbledore anxiously.

"Perhaps, but whatever happens we will have to cope" Dumbledore said quietly, "There is a lot that must be done! Now please find Hermione, and see that she gets some sleep tonight"

Madame Pomfrey nodded, "Yes, headmaster"

With Madame Pomfrey gone, Dumbledore sank into a chair. He had known since the night Harry's parents died, that the battle was not yet over. But all the same, he still felt like thing had happened so suddenly. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself a few moments of long needed rest. 

Snape entered unnoticed. He stopped as he saw Dumbledore just starting to drift asleep. Backing away, he chose to not disturb him. He slipped out and went to Mcgonagall instead.

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            "What does it mean?" Mcgonagall asked, staring at the glowing green on Snape's arm.

            "It means whatever Voldemort's plans for tonight were have been completed successfully" Snape said, "The mark serves many purposes in the circle of deatheaters"

            "Have you shown Dumbledore?" Mcgonagall asked nervously.

            "He's asleep, and I did not wish to wake him" Snape said averting his eyes under Mcgonagall's stare. 

            "I will speak to him then when he awakes" Mcgonagall said, "However, I believe you and Hermione will need to speak tomorrow"

            "Of Course" Snape said turning sharply.

            "Severus!" Mcgonagall said, "Don't be so hard on yourself! You can't blame yourself for everything"

            "Good night, Minerva" Snape said, as he left.

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            After what had seemed like an endless night, morning finally came around. The events of the previous night hadn't gone unforgotten, students whispered amongst themselves about what had happened. Hermione's empty seat did very little to help matters.

            "Do you think Hermione's ok?" Ron asked looking around. His eyes skimmed the teachers table, and realized Dumbledore, Snape, and Mcgonagall were all missing. The rest of the teachers were doing their best to act like nothing was going on. 

            "I think so" Harry said uncertainly, "Professor Mcgonagall would have told us if something had happened to her, right?"

            "Right," Ron said not sounding convinced, "You don't think Fudge took her down to the ministry with him?"

            "I don't know!" Harry said, "But we have potions first today, so we can ask Sna- What's wrong?"

            During their conversation the mail had arrived. Ron had picked up Hermione's subscription of the Daily Prophet. His face was pale and sick. Harry leaned over to see what had upset Ron.

            "Oh God!" Harry said, staring at the article, "How many people were found dead?" he asked unable to read the article.

            "3" Ron said quietly. 

            "I never understood it before, why everyone was so scared before" Harry said softly, "I think I understand now" 

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            "Miss Granger?"

            "What do you want?" Hermione asked coldly hearing the sound of Snape's voice made her stomach twist into knots.

            "I think we need to talk!" Snape said.

            "We tried that already" Hermione said dully.

            "Then we are going to have to try again" Snape said, "We have to talk! You have to understand"

            "What I understand, is that the sight of you makes me sick and excited at the same time" Hermione said, "I'm not going to talk to you"

            "Fine!" Snape snapped, "But by god, Hermione, you are going to at least listen to me!"

He took a deep breath and finally managed to speak what he had needed to tell her for so long.

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Thanks everyone for the lovely kind words! It's very encouraging to know people are enjoying what you're writing. Anyway, I know, once again, I stop short, but I will have the next chapter up very very soon!


	10. CHapter 10

Chapter Ten!

            Dumbledore awoke hours later. He was still exhausted and felt as if he was going to collapse any moment. But pushing against his weariness he stood up and left to find Mcgonagall. He didn't have to look far, she was waiting right inside his office as he entered.

            "Good Morning, Albus" Mcgonagall said.

            "As to you" Dumbledore said sitting. After a moment he recognized the look on Mcgonagall's face. Feeling the blood drain from his face he finally choked out his next words, "How many?"

            "Three" Mcgonagall said, "Not long after Fudge left. Severus tried to tell you, but you were asleep"

            Dumbledore shook his head quietly, "This can't go on anymore" he said quietly, "I will not let this happen!"

            Mcgonagall shook her head, "Albus, you're doing what you can!" she said, "Not even you can create miracles!"

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            "Listen to you?" Hermione cried, "Give me one reason why I should listen to you!"

            "Because until you and I reach an understanding of some sort, Voldemort will continue to have Albus distracted from him!" Snape said, "I'm not asking for forgiveness Hermione! But until you and I reach an agreement, more people are going to suffer through what you are going through right now! Is that what you want?"

            Hermione shook her head slowly.

            "Good!" Snape said, "There isn't any words or actions that can take back what I've done, or even make it up to you, but I'm willing to try"

            Hermione looked at the floor silently, still not sure what she should say.

            "I don't pretend that I'm a good man! I'm not!" Snape said, "You've no idea what it is like to have done the things that I've done and not be punished. I still wish I had gone to Azkaban like every other deatheater! That Albus killed me that night I returned to him! But instead I'm alive and free"   

            Looking up Hermione took his hand, "I don't understand any of this" she said softly, "And I'm terrified out of my wits, and I'll work with you to help stop Voldemort, but I don't think I can forgive you"

            Snape nodded, "I don't expect forgiveness, Hermione" 

            Hermione's hand reached around his neck and she leaned in and quietly kissed his lips. Snape's eyes shut painfully before he managed to flinch away.

            "Severus!" Hermione exclaimed.

            "Stop! Whatever you think is between us, I assure you, its not there!" the words were rushed and unconvincing, but still stung.

            "Do you mean to tell me that our kiss before, you didn't feel a thing!?" Hermione asked, "Is that what you are trying to tell me?"

            "That isn't what I'm saying at all Hermione" Snape said with a sigh, "Hermione, please, try to understand this at least! Any unheard of emotions you think you may be feeling push aside"

            "But why?"

            "There are too many reasons, one being I'm over 15 years your senior, and you professor" Snape said.

            The bitter reminder was enough to make Hermione burst into tears, but she withheld them and just nodded to say she wouldn't try to advance again.

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Authors Notes: Sorry its short again. I'm really low on ideas these days. But Im doing my best. Thanks for all the wonderful review though. And I promise, this story will not go unfinished. That's one of my biggest peeves on this site, unfinished stories. So anyway, please review, and if you have any ideas, feel free to e-mail at Rainbow_River_CS@yahoo.com


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